You probably already know your arguments by heart.
One of you brings up a concerns. The other explains, defends, or shuts down, it may escalate eventually. One turns the emotional volume up while the other tries to turns it down. One gets frustrated, pushes harder, then gives up and shuts down. And then maybe you switch places entirely.
Different argument. Same pattern. Same distance afterward.
On a bad day, you start wondering: Is this EVER going to change?
Here's the problem: what hurts the most underneath the argument isn't something insight can solve. It's a need underneath — and needs don't just 'go away,' they need to be responded to.
And in the moment it matters most, you're often too flooded to even use what you know: it's too hard to contain your own pain, hear your partner, and manage what's happening between you.
This is where I can help.
Emotionally Focused Therapy goes beyond insight.
Rather than talking about the problem, we slow down what is happening between you as it happens.
We pay attention to
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triggers
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emotions fueling the pain
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meanings you make
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protective reactions
and relational patterns that just keep taking over when something important is at stake.
This isn’t therapy where I simply listen while you have the same conversation you’ve been having at home a hundred times. And it is not about collecting more communication tips. You can Google communication tips for free. You proabbly already have. You probably read the books, tried to speak differently, sent each other articles and reels trying to expaling how you feel.
Let me guide you through a different process.
We slow the pattern down, understand what keeps it going, and work directly with the moments where change needs to happen.
For couples, as we rebuild the strength of your bond, you can handle any conversation: from arguments about the dishwasher to deeper differences in values and worldview.
For individuals, it means 'recalibrating' your internal compass so you can handle life and most important relationships guided by what you need and value rather than by fear or the need to protect yourself.
You already know where it hurts. My job is to help you change what happens next.
If you’re tired of trying to think, talk, or self-help your way out of the same patterns, it may be time to experience something different.
I'm glad you are here.
I’m Kristina Wells, Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples and individuals.
I work with what happens in the room: catching the moments where things usually go sideways and you get stuck, getting underneath the protections and reactivity, and helping you create something very different.
Why this work feels different:
You know how quickly it often happens. You’re having the same fight over and over but it is not really communication issue. When something important feels at risk, one of you may push harder, while the other explains, defends, or shuts down. Before you know it, you’re both reacting and neither of you feels heard.
Emotionally Focused Therapy helps us slow those moments down and understand what’s really happening underneath the surface argument. That’s where you get a chance to respond differently and begin to feel differently with each other.
Less repeating the same fight. Less defensiveness and shutdown. More repair and connection.
Attachment-focused therapy helps you:
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Stop having the same painful arguments on repeat and change what keeps you stuck there
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Talk about what really matters without defensiveness, shutdown, or walking on eggshells
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Actually repair what happened so the same hurt doesn’t keep resurfacing (that same issue that is being brought up from a number of years ago? It was not actually repaired)
This isn’t about “fixing” you or your partner.
It’s about deep relational change that communication tips just don't fix.
Find the right place to start
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Couples Therapy
For when the relationship itself needs help.
The same arguments. Same outcome. Whether you are coming in with an escalated conflict, same fight on repeat, feeling lonely and like roommates, ruptured trust and lost or faded intimacy, or a life transition that knocked everything sideways, we work with what's driving the fight, not just the fight itself.
2
Betrayal & Attachment Injury Recovery
When something happened that jarred your world.
Relationship injuries take many forms and the hurt can live on in different ways.
One may struggle to feel safe and trust again, the other may carry guilt and shame that doesn’t simply disappear. We work with the injury without rushing forgiveness or assuming that staying together is the goal.
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Relational Therapy for One
Sometimes you just need individual support.
You've probably tried to just 'push through it'. That doesn't work, because how you feel doesn't exist in a vacuum. It's shaped by how you've learned to connect, and how you respond now to closeness, conflict, rejection, loss, and change. We work with what you're feeling and what's underneath it.
Mailing address
1271 NE HWY 99w #126
McMinnville OR 97128
