Couples & Relationship Therapy
You love each other but you get buried under never-ending chore list, responsibilities, small or big arguments.
Emotionally miles away from each other even though you are in the same room. You're also fighting about the dishwasher and haven't felt close in months.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy for relationships that have lost their sense of safety through conflict, disconnection, or betrayal.
In-person in McMinnville + online throughout Oregon
The questions you may not be saying out loud:
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“Why does every disagreement turn into this?”
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“When did we turn into roommates?”
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“Why are we still fighting about something that happened two years ago?”
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“We used to talk about everything. When did that stop?”
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Is this all there is to this relationship?
Maybe it's the same argument on repeat, or maybe it's that very specific quiet that follows instead. Either way, you know it by heart. Same pattern, different Tuesday night. You've probably already tried the googled self-help ideas that fell flat.
Understanding why you fight isn’t always enough to change what happens between you
Couples therapy isn’t about deciding who is right and who is wrong. That usually keeps couples walking around the same circle.
The work is understanding what keeps you stuck—what happens underneath the anger, defensiveness, silence, pursuit, withdrawal, or distance—and helping you begin to reach for and respond to each other differently.
You need a different experience of each other, not just a better explanation of the problem.
WHAT BRINGS PARTNERS HERE
CONFLICT & COMMUNICATION
The same arguments repeat, escalate fast, or go quiet without ever getting settled.
SEX & INTIMACY
Emotional and physical intimacy has become difficult, infrequent, or absent.
DISCONNECTION
You feel lonely together, emotionally distant, or more like roommates than partners.
PARENTING & FAMILY
Parenting, blended-family dynamics, or competing responsibilities are putting pressure on your bond.
BETRAYAL & RUPTURED TRUST
An affair, secrecy, broken agreement, or another attachment injury has changed the relationship.
LIFE UNDER PRESSURE
Work, money, health, or a big life transition has started running the relationship instead of you.
We’re not just changing how you communicate. We’re changing the underlying pattern you’re caught in.
AN EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED APPROACH
My work with couples is grounded in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), the gold standard for couples therapy, backed by years research. Studies show 70%–75% of couples move from distress to recovery using EFT. Follow-up studies show that the majority of those couples maintain their gains over time.
Rather than staying at the surface of what you argue about, we look at what each of you does the second connection feels unsafe and what you each do to protect yourself in that moment.
Those protections make sense on their own. Put them together, and they can build the exact distance you're trying to avoid.
What EFT couples therapy looks like
1
Assessment.
We start together
Your first session gives me a big picture — what has been happening and what brought you in now, where you get stuck, what hurts, what you're hoping changes.
2
Assessment.
I meet with each partner individually
Individual sessions are meant to understand your history - it shapes how you show up in this relationship. I need to understand each partner before I can help you change what happens between you.
3
Treatment.
We start untangling the pattern together
Back together, we'll make sense of the undercurrent that keeps pulling you apart. From there, we work on it live, not recapping fights after the fact, but changing how you respond to each other while you're actually doing it.
